It's been too long!

I haven't written in a while, but I sure have been wanting too!!! I am proud to say I read a whole book, thanks to Oma's enclosure in the Christmas card- It feels good to read. It's been soo long, too long since I actually took the time to read somthing that wasn't in a gossip magazine or on Yahoo's homepage. I am going to start to do it more.
I am so tired of working three jobs- it only just makes me frustrated and angry! I know I should quit one, but then I look at our finances and say, there's no way! It's definitely a catch-22 for us! My pastor keeps telling Superman and I to be obedient to God and take a step of faith. I know God is my provider, but I also know that He doesn't just drop money from the sky! My pastor's church in Chicago is supporting him, his wife and his three children while they plant a church in Albany. I am glad that that's something that works for them, but it not the same for us. I am constantly frustrated because I know spend an enormous amount of time praying and asking God to bail me out of a situation that I put myself in. That hardly seems fair to God. I spend way too much time trying to find the solution and figure out the end result, that I never actually take that first step. It's really a great source of irration for me. Will life suddenly get better if we move into a cheaper apartment? Or if Superman goes back to school? Am I supposed to continue working this hard, only to get my tires stuck in mud? AHHHHHH!!!
I am finding it harder and harder to be on Facebook, because the more I know about people's lives, the more I tend to get jealous and annoyed over mine. Yes, being married to your best friend is quite an accomplishment, but no kids, no house, a dead-end job that you hate and never being home to learn how to maintain it, is nothing to call home about. I am frustrated that I work all the time and still make next to nothing and that I am in no way progressing forward in my life. I hate the feeling of being stagnant.
I think I need to stop complaining and start praying more. That will probably do me some good. I do spend time with God every morning and all throughout the day, but maybe it's not enough!
I am sorry, this is a terrible blog- but I am not sure what to do. The more I try to figure out God's will for Superman and my life, the more I feel confused and unsure!!
Superman feels called to go to seminary. There's one associated with my church in Schenctady and they have housing for the students only about 15 minutes from our jobs. The rent is really reasonable and every apartment is equipped with a washer and dryer. Not to mention, off- street parking and a food pantry. This would be great if only we went to church in Rotterdam. The problem with this is that we are part of the core team of my pastor's who feel called to reach and start a church in downtown Albany. This is very close to where we live and right now we use our apartment to have Bible Studies on Thursday nights. This is Superman's main reason for wanting to stay in Albany. Our pastor said that since God was planting the church, He didn't need our house to do His will, He just needed our obedience. Pastor Randle said that the planting of the church shouldn't be a factor in staying.
On the other hand, paying $800 every month is really big burden for us and we don't even use all the house on a regular basis. Though I love the apartment, I don't think we should stay.
In addition to seminary, Superman is going to HVCC in the fall to start the nursing program. I know the doesn't seem possible that he can do both, but the next seminary course starts in March and he only needs to be enrolled in one class every eight weeks in order to live there as long as he needs to, to finish the program. One class costs $333 each and the apartments range from $450 for a 1 bedroom to $650 for a three bedroom.
I am not worried about the transition and classes, just about what I am going to do. I am not sure I can and want to keep working three jobs, however, I heard the nursing classes are really intense and unless he was going part-time, would have a hard time keeping up with both school and work. (Sorry Aunt Moe, I know how you HATE my habit for run-on sentences!) I only work part-time at each of my three jobs and make between $8-$9/ hour at all of them. As much I would love to quit one of them and be home every night, I don't think that would be feasible.
I think it's really important that Superman go back to school for what he feels will be beneficial down the road, I am just not sure about all the details surrounding it. I am feeling overwhelmed and lost in the shuffle of everything!
Hope you all have a happy new year- and thanks soo much for listening! Love you all!!!

At A Crossroads..

Well...
It looks like Superman and I are at a crossroads again. I am very thankful to God that He provided a job for Superman. I am thankful though that it happened because I learned to trust God more.
I have been looking for ONE good paying job (as opposed to my three awful paying jobs) for some time now. I got a great job offer, but with a huge price tag. For a while I wasn't enjoying my insurance job because there were times when I found myself bored out of my mind or doing ridiculous tasks. But lately, since I've been trusting God with my life, things have gotten better at that job. I have even had a chance to get to know my manager's dad a little better. I bet you're wondering why I need to know family members, and it's because he is my manager's boss, and the man who pays me. His secretary has been out all month and will be for the rest of November because of an accident, which has allowed me to get more hours, conveniently while Superman was laid off. So I have been doing her job and mine. He even offered to increase my hours permanently and increase my pay slightly if I quit one of my other jobs with Gloria. The real dilemna is not Gloria though (though that of itself is going to be a BIG issue), it's the job offer he presented to me. You see, he is the state manager and he is from Syracuse NY and he wants to move his office there in July when his lease is up here. He wants me to become his full-time secretary and offered me $30,000/ year with benefits. That is more than I am making now with three jobs and I don't have benefits. The only catch is that I would have to move to Syracuse. I don't like Syracuse because they get more snow than we do in Albany and when I lived in Rochester. I didn't want to tell Superman, but we all know how bad (I mean good) I am at keeping big things like that a secret. I didn't want to tell him because I figured I already knew what he was going to say (NO), so I didn't want to bother. I know Superman was praying about going to Seminary and was excited to get his feet wet doing ministry here. But to my surprise, he is open to the idea and is even fasting today to seek God about it. Now it wouldn't be till late this summer, but my boss wants in answer by January. I don't know how I feel about it. Superman thinks this could be the answer to my prayer. He doesn't think that opportunities like this come around often and I have looked and haven't been able to find another job here in that field that pays as much. I do also love the company and would have always wanted to be involved with it. I don't think moving for a job is a good idea; I think moving for God is a better one. What should I do?
I feel like I am at a crossroads with this ordeal. I know that there are many decisions we make in life that are good, but which one is right?
I know none of my family wants to hear this because I am still young and haven't been married that long, but I have burning desire to have a baby. I am so afraid that the reason I haven't had one yet is because I am not able to. Superman says it may not be God's timing yet, though he admits to wanting one too. Why do people that don't want kids yet get pregnant and those of us who do, aren't having any? I know I am talking crazy. I never thought that having children would be so involved. Whew....

At A Crossroads..

Still standing strong...

So we are heading into week three of Superman's unemployment and I because of God I am still standing strong. This has been a very trying time for me and Superman. I feel like it is a true test of faith in God. I feel like Superman and I are in a season of preparation-financially, spiritually and physically. I am working hard to keep my body in shape so that if God choses to expand our family (not that this is the greatest time for that, but I can prepare), I am physically ready. All this week, I have been very positive and in good spirits about everything, knowing God is in control and going to take care of us. But today, I feel as though my strength is fading and I am beginning to unravel. I know that to everything there is a season, but I can't help but wonder if I brought this on myself... I wonder why it is that when I am doing well, I forget to include God, but when things start going wrong, that's when I remember to pray and read my Bible? I haven't always been the best steward with the money God has provided for me, and for a time, money, not God, ruled my life. All that has changed in the last few months. I have been working all those jobs to be rid of, once and for all, all of the mistakes and poor stewardship I have been with money. I have finally been trusting God with WHOLE life, not just parts. I know it is God who gives and God who takes away, but I am frustrated that I keep causing Him to have to take away. Time and time again, I unravel and beg God to bail me out, He does, and yet I always find myself in this same place again. Why? Because I give God just enough to scrap by. A month ago, when we were doing good financially and I was paying off debt, I wasn't paying God ALL of my 10% tithe each week. I was only giving Him a small amount, compared to what I was making. When it was time to tithe, I was always annoyed at how much I had to give; however I could always justify buying that new outfit or movie without complaining. I am so frustrated at myself because I know better. The Bible is very clear about tithing and my attitude. Ever since Superman has been unemployed, I have given ALL 10% of my tithe unbegrudgingly (is that even a word, Aunt Moe?), and though I am nervous for the uncertainty in my future, I am feeling a lot better about honoring God. If you think of it, please continue to pray for Superman and me- that God would continue to clean us out of all the gook that is in us and prepare for all HE has for us. I am tired of living hand to mouth and getting no where financially in life...it is time for FREEDOM...that surpasses all understanding to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus!

Whew....

I feel like I am on the roller coaster ride of my life and it is good!!! A lot has happened to Superman and I since I last blogged. Superman hurt his back (again) at work. The doctor thinks it's a herniated disk, but we wouldn't know for sure until he gets an MRI. He was out of work for three days last week, and on Friday his boss said he could either stay out of work until his back got better (which could be a long while, considering that he might need surgery) or he can chose to be laid off and collect unemployment.
Though I knew that there was potential for him to get laid off, I was more overwhelmed at the fact that MY OWN perfect planned had gotten messed up. Let me back track a little bit... I have been working three jobs since August in order to pay off our debt a quick as possible. I had the whole thing mapped out, and when this happened I realized, it needed to be GOD's perfect plan, not mine. I knew I was getting burned out, but I was unwilling to give up. Two weeks ago, I went to bed with chest pains and woke up with them the next morning. By the afternoon, my left arm was shaking uncontrollably and my toes were tingling and I couldn't catch my breath. So they rushed me in a ambulance (without insurance) to the ER because they thought I was having a heart attack. It turns out it was only anxiety, but it was scary!!! I ended up taking the entire weekend off and it was great ot relax! I realized that that sitaution could have been a lot worse and I was thankful God used it as a warning sign to STOP DOING IT ON MY OWN AND TRUST HIM!!!
Talk about learning a lesson... There is no better way in life to learn to trust God than to have situations in your be "messed up" that are beyond your control to fix. That is what is happening now. When I first found out Brian was laid off, I was devastated because I felt like now I working three jobs because I had to and not because I wanted to. I felt overwhelmed and stuck! Not to mention I was angry at God- How could he let this happen? Wasn't my good intentions of becoming debt-free rapidly His will?
As Sunday progressed on and the day got busier, I spent time with my mentors and discovered that I have been in control of me and not God. I had sought to do things my way, hoping God was on board. So last night at midnight I repented of my anger, and my control and relinquished power of my life to God. I feel like a new person, just like 2 Corintahians 5:17 says! I have such peace and joy in my life like I've never experinced before! I was depressed and angry and trying to make life happen on my own terms, but now I see I am nothing without Christ and HIs redemption for me!!!
I am also at peace about my work sitaution because I know that my life is not my own. God doesn't want me to kill myself working this hard, He wants me to trust Him! I am in the process of looking for ONE full-time position and I am going to take the civil service test for a state job in November. Ideally, I would like to work from home and I know of this school that teaches medical transcriptioning that is done from home and has the potential to make up to $40,000/year.
This brings me to Superman's job situation. God has really been doing a good work in our lives. We are part of this leadership team that is planting a sister church to ours in our neighborhood. Superman wants to do full-time ministry, so we are applying to Mid-Atlantic Baptist Seminary. He is very excited about it!! Also, Superman trained this guy Jon to be his protegeand was his kitchen manger at Uno's. Now Jon is the kitchen manager at Ruby Tuesday's and has been begging Superman for some time now to work for him. Now Superman will have a job flexible enough to allow him to continue to do ministry and the Lord's work.
Praise God for all He is doing in our lives and for His forgiveness. I am most thankful for His peace which surpasses all understanding!!!

First Blog!

This is my very first time blogging!! I now feel connected to the rest of the world!!! Yeah for me!! I am so excited that it's Friday and that I don't have to work this evening. I already have a million things to do though. How come my days off are always full before I even get to have them? How does that happen? What then is the point of having a day off? Oh well, the social butterfly within me lives on!!! Till next time...