I haven't written in a while, but I sure have been wanting too!!! I am proud to say I read a whole book, thanks to Oma's enclosure in the Christmas card- It feels good to read. It's been soo long, too long since I actually took the time to read somthing that wasn't in a gossip magazine or on Yahoo's homepage. I am going to start to do it more.
I am so tired of working three jobs- it only just makes me frustrated and angry! I know I should quit one, but then I look at our finances and say, there's no way! It's definitely a catch-22 for us! My pastor keeps telling Superman and I to be obedient to God and take a step of faith. I know God is my provider, but I also know that He doesn't just drop money from the sky! My pastor's church in Chicago is supporting him, his wife and his three children while they plant a church in Albany. I am glad that that's something that works for them, but it not the same for us. I am constantly frustrated because I know spend an enormous amount of time praying and asking God to bail me out of a situation that I put myself in. That hardly seems fair to God. I spend way too much time trying to find the solution and figure out the end result, that I never actually take that first step. It's really a great source of irration for me. Will life suddenly get better if we move into a cheaper apartment? Or if Superman goes back to school? Am I supposed to continue working this hard, only to get my tires stuck in mud? AHHHHHH!!!
I am finding it harder and harder to be on Facebook, because the more I know about people's lives, the more I tend to get jealous and annoyed over mine. Yes, being married to your best friend is quite an accomplishment, but no kids, no house, a dead-end job that you hate and never being home to learn how to maintain it, is nothing to call home about. I am frustrated that I work all the time and still make next to nothing and that I am in no way progressing forward in my life. I hate the feeling of being stagnant.
I think I need to stop complaining and start praying more. That will probably do me some good. I do spend time with God every morning and all throughout the day, but maybe it's not enough!
I am sorry, this is a terrible blog- but I am not sure what to do. The more I try to figure out God's will for Superman and my life, the more I feel confused and unsure!!
Superman feels called to go to seminary. There's one associated with my church in Schenctady and they have housing for the students only about 15 minutes from our jobs. The rent is really reasonable and every apartment is equipped with a washer and dryer. Not to mention, off- street parking and a food pantry. This would be great if only we went to church in Rotterdam. The problem with this is that we are part of the core team of my pastor's who feel called to reach and start a church in downtown Albany. This is very close to where we live and right now we use our apartment to have Bible Studies on Thursday nights. This is Superman's main reason for wanting to stay in Albany. Our pastor said that since God was planting the church, He didn't need our house to do His will, He just needed our obedience. Pastor Randle said that the planting of the church shouldn't be a factor in staying.
On the other hand, paying $800 every month is really big burden for us and we don't even use all the house on a regular basis. Though I love the apartment, I don't think we should stay.
In addition to seminary, Superman is going to HVCC in the fall to start the nursing program. I know the doesn't seem possible that he can do both, but the next seminary course starts in March and he only needs to be enrolled in one class every eight weeks in order to live there as long as he needs to, to finish the program. One class costs $333 each and the apartments range from $450 for a 1 bedroom to $650 for a three bedroom.
I am not worried about the transition and classes, just about what I am going to do. I am not sure I can and want to keep working three jobs, however, I heard the nursing classes are really intense and unless he was going part-time, would have a hard time keeping up with both school and work. (Sorry Aunt Moe, I know how you HATE my habit for run-on sentences!) I only work part-time at each of my three jobs and make between $8-$9/ hour at all of them. As much I would love to quit one of them and be home every night, I don't think that would be feasible.
I think it's really important that Superman go back to school for what he feels will be beneficial down the road, I am just not sure about all the details surrounding it. I am feeling overwhelmed and lost in the shuffle of everything!
Hope you all have a happy new year- and thanks soo much for listening! Love you all!!!
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2 comments:
Now, now...hate is a very strong word! :>)
There are times in our walk with God when the way is uncertain and the path is hidden from view by the underbrush of life's struggles and worries. Keep seeking God, follow the leading of your husband, and trust Him to lead you through. You don't have to figure out all the little details all at once. One step at a time. Love you--and I'm praying.
Maureen's right, trust yahweh, and trust Yahweh w/ your husband. both of you have a path to walk that support on another. this is an ideal but true. Siperman may need to go to semonary to be all he can be in the spiritual army, and you will have a part, place, inheritance, and a reward in that ministry, that needs to be realized in "the natural." He has a calling and you along w/ him.
do you need to keep working 3 jobs and suporting a church plant that you did not receive a mandate to start. my initial response would be no, but you need to have a word from Yahweh as to if you do or not. you may not be required to suport your pastor in Albany.
if you are in an apartment that you do not need and cannot afford w/out working 3 jobs... quit one, get a smaller place... build a life w/ your husband, not just an infrastructure. (screw the run-ons, i can't spell either)
it hurts to see you guys struggle so. not just that you have dept and so on, but that it is taxing you in such a way. thank Yahweh that He loves you enough to test your faith... yeah it may have been a hole you dug and jumped into, but isn't it usually that way. it take more and more faith to trust him to show you the way out. and the point in the end is that you are closer to Him and to one another.
i love you guys, and pray that you find peace in all this.
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