Thursday, October 30, 2008
Still standing strong...
So we are heading into week three of Superman's unemployment and I because of God I am still standing strong. This has been a very trying time for me and Superman. I feel like it is a true test of faith in God. I feel like Superman and I are in a season of preparation-financially, spiritually and physically. I am working hard to keep my body in shape so that if God choses to expand our family (not that this is the greatest time for that, but I can prepare), I am physically ready. All this week, I have been very positive and in good spirits about everything, knowing God is in control and going to take care of us. But today, I feel as though my strength is fading and I am beginning to unravel. I know that to everything there is a season, but I can't help but wonder if I brought this on myself... I wonder why it is that when I am doing well, I forget to include God, but when things start going wrong, that's when I remember to pray and read my Bible? I haven't always been the best steward with the money God has provided for me, and for a time, money, not God, ruled my life. All that has changed in the last few months. I have been working all those jobs to be rid of, once and for all, all of the mistakes and poor stewardship I have been with money. I have finally been trusting God with WHOLE life, not just parts. I know it is God who gives and God who takes away, but I am frustrated that I keep causing Him to have to take away. Time and time again, I unravel and beg God to bail me out, He does, and yet I always find myself in this same place again. Why? Because I give God just enough to scrap by. A month ago, when we were doing good financially and I was paying off debt, I wasn't paying God ALL of my 10% tithe each week. I was only giving Him a small amount, compared to what I was making. When it was time to tithe, I was always annoyed at how much I had to give; however I could always justify buying that new outfit or movie without complaining. I am so frustrated at myself because I know better. The Bible is very clear about tithing and my attitude. Ever since Superman has been unemployed, I have given ALL 10% of my tithe unbegrudgingly (is that even a word, Aunt Moe?), and though I am nervous for the uncertainty in my future, I am feeling a lot better about honoring God. If you think of it, please continue to pray for Superman and me- that God would continue to clean us out of all the gook that is in us and prepare for all HE has for us. I am tired of living hand to mouth and getting no where financially in life...it is time for FREEDOM...that surpasses all understanding to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Whew....
I feel like I am on the roller coaster ride of my life and it is good!!! A lot has happened to Superman and I since I last blogged. Superman hurt his back (again) at work. The doctor thinks it's a herniated disk, but we wouldn't know for sure until he gets an MRI. He was out of work for three days last week, and on Friday his boss said he could either stay out of work until his back got better (which could be a long while, considering that he might need surgery) or he can chose to be laid off and collect unemployment.
Though I knew that there was potential for him to get laid off, I was more overwhelmed at the fact that MY OWN perfect planned had gotten messed up. Let me back track a little bit... I have been working three jobs since August in order to pay off our debt a quick as possible. I had the whole thing mapped out, and when this happened I realized, it needed to be GOD's perfect plan, not mine. I knew I was getting burned out, but I was unwilling to give up. Two weeks ago, I went to bed with chest pains and woke up with them the next morning. By the afternoon, my left arm was shaking uncontrollably and my toes were tingling and I couldn't catch my breath. So they rushed me in a ambulance (without insurance) to the ER because they thought I was having a heart attack. It turns out it was only anxiety, but it was scary!!! I ended up taking the entire weekend off and it was great ot relax! I realized that that sitaution could have been a lot worse and I was thankful God used it as a warning sign to STOP DOING IT ON MY OWN AND TRUST HIM!!!
Talk about learning a lesson... There is no better way in life to learn to trust God than to have situations in your be "messed up" that are beyond your control to fix. That is what is happening now. When I first found out Brian was laid off, I was devastated because I felt like now I working three jobs because I had to and not because I wanted to. I felt overwhelmed and stuck! Not to mention I was angry at God- How could he let this happen? Wasn't my good intentions of becoming debt-free rapidly His will?
As Sunday progressed on and the day got busier, I spent time with my mentors and discovered that I have been in control of me and not God. I had sought to do things my way, hoping God was on board. So last night at midnight I repented of my anger, and my control and relinquished power of my life to God. I feel like a new person, just like 2 Corintahians 5:17 says! I have such peace and joy in my life like I've never experinced before! I was depressed and angry and trying to make life happen on my own terms, but now I see I am nothing without Christ and HIs redemption for me!!!
I am also at peace about my work sitaution because I know that my life is not my own. God doesn't want me to kill myself working this hard, He wants me to trust Him! I am in the process of looking for ONE full-time position and I am going to take the civil service test for a state job in November. Ideally, I would like to work from home and I know of this school that teaches medical transcriptioning that is done from home and has the potential to make up to $40,000/year.
This brings me to Superman's job situation. God has really been doing a good work in our lives. We are part of this leadership team that is planting a sister church to ours in our neighborhood. Superman wants to do full-time ministry, so we are applying to Mid-Atlantic Baptist Seminary. He is very excited about it!! Also, Superman trained this guy Jon to be his protegeand was his kitchen manger at Uno's. Now Jon is the kitchen manager at Ruby Tuesday's and has been begging Superman for some time now to work for him. Now Superman will have a job flexible enough to allow him to continue to do ministry and the Lord's work.
Praise God for all He is doing in our lives and for His forgiveness. I am most thankful for His peace which surpasses all understanding!!!
Though I knew that there was potential for him to get laid off, I was more overwhelmed at the fact that MY OWN perfect planned had gotten messed up. Let me back track a little bit... I have been working three jobs since August in order to pay off our debt a quick as possible. I had the whole thing mapped out, and when this happened I realized, it needed to be GOD's perfect plan, not mine. I knew I was getting burned out, but I was unwilling to give up. Two weeks ago, I went to bed with chest pains and woke up with them the next morning. By the afternoon, my left arm was shaking uncontrollably and my toes were tingling and I couldn't catch my breath. So they rushed me in a ambulance (without insurance) to the ER because they thought I was having a heart attack. It turns out it was only anxiety, but it was scary!!! I ended up taking the entire weekend off and it was great ot relax! I realized that that sitaution could have been a lot worse and I was thankful God used it as a warning sign to STOP DOING IT ON MY OWN AND TRUST HIM!!!
Talk about learning a lesson... There is no better way in life to learn to trust God than to have situations in your be "messed up" that are beyond your control to fix. That is what is happening now. When I first found out Brian was laid off, I was devastated because I felt like now I working three jobs because I had to and not because I wanted to. I felt overwhelmed and stuck! Not to mention I was angry at God- How could he let this happen? Wasn't my good intentions of becoming debt-free rapidly His will?
As Sunday progressed on and the day got busier, I spent time with my mentors and discovered that I have been in control of me and not God. I had sought to do things my way, hoping God was on board. So last night at midnight I repented of my anger, and my control and relinquished power of my life to God. I feel like a new person, just like 2 Corintahians 5:17 says! I have such peace and joy in my life like I've never experinced before! I was depressed and angry and trying to make life happen on my own terms, but now I see I am nothing without Christ and HIs redemption for me!!!
I am also at peace about my work sitaution because I know that my life is not my own. God doesn't want me to kill myself working this hard, He wants me to trust Him! I am in the process of looking for ONE full-time position and I am going to take the civil service test for a state job in November. Ideally, I would like to work from home and I know of this school that teaches medical transcriptioning that is done from home and has the potential to make up to $40,000/year.
This brings me to Superman's job situation. God has really been doing a good work in our lives. We are part of this leadership team that is planting a sister church to ours in our neighborhood. Superman wants to do full-time ministry, so we are applying to Mid-Atlantic Baptist Seminary. He is very excited about it!! Also, Superman trained this guy Jon to be his protegeand was his kitchen manger at Uno's. Now Jon is the kitchen manager at Ruby Tuesday's and has been begging Superman for some time now to work for him. Now Superman will have a job flexible enough to allow him to continue to do ministry and the Lord's work.
Praise God for all He is doing in our lives and for His forgiveness. I am most thankful for His peace which surpasses all understanding!!!
Friday, October 3, 2008
First Blog!
This is my very first time blogging!! I now feel connected to the rest of the world!!! Yeah for me!! I am so excited that it's Friday and that I don't have to work this evening. I already have a million things to do though. How come my days off are always full before I even get to have them? How does that happen? What then is the point of having a day off? Oh well, the social butterfly within me lives on!!! Till next time...
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